Rebecca B

For some of us the holiday season evokes joyful memories and a sense of anticipation. For some of us however, the holiday season can do something quite different. It can bring about the memories of dysfunction and chaos, causing a sense of anxiety and dread. For some it can bring about guilt and remorse, for holidays past that we, due to our addiction, either missed or messed it up for everybody else. But whatever the case may be and no matter what the past may have been like, the good news is that this is a new season!

Thank goodness recovery, as with life, always allows the opportunity to have “do-overs”. The holidays are a time that symbolizes joy, peace, gratitude and good will towards one another. I mean think about it, it is the one time of the year, that strangely enough, complete strangers will actually feel compelled to be thoughtful of one another and maybe even do something for someone else expecting nothing in return! No matter what our circumstance may be, there are a lot of things that we can do to make this the best holiday season we have ever experienced! You know the saying, “we keep what we have by giving it away”? Well, we also get what we’ve never gotten before by doing the same thing for the very first time! Here are some suggestions for making this your best holiday season ever.

(I.) Every day from now until the New Year, strive daily to do at least one random act of kindness. (i.e.- doing something for someone in secret and never tell it was you, (God will know!); If you see someone hungry, bring them something to eat; If you see a homeless person, smile at them – they may have not been noticed in a long time; Leave a small gift or card for someone who serves you everyday, like your mail carrier, local gas station attendant or the waitress where you always eat.) Just use your imagination; it will automatically cause you everyday to get out of your own head, which is NEVER a bad idea!

(II.) Make a list of things to be grateful for. If you find it hard to start, then begin with the least thought about things. (i.e.~ breathing, sight, the sun, the ability to think, life it’s self, sobriety, etc..) I believe that you will find once you begin, the things in our life to be grateful for will FAR out weigh the things that aren’t so great! And finally, I have found that when I am really having a hard time, I can apply the principle of asking God to do for me what I can’t to for myself by saying, “God, please help me to see with Your eyes, to think with Your mind, to hear with Your ears and to love with Your heart today”.

This is a wonderful life we have been given again! We know that we didn’t do ANYTHING to deserve the fresh opportunity to live again, it was a gift freely given. As addicts and alcoholics we have been blessed with something else, that many people go the the grave never having. That thing is having a knowledge of my purpose in this life. You see, from the moment I received this unconditional gift of sobriety, I was also given the gift of having a life’s purpose, and that is to offer my hand to another suffering alcoholic and addict.

Want to do something that will really make you feel good? On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, go to a 12-step meeting. I guarantee you that there will be at least one person there who may be having the worst day of their sober life. Let them know you love them. It feels GREAT!! And after all, isn’t that what it is all about?

It is my most sincere wish that this holiday season will be the best you have ever had! God bless you all.

Once upon a time there was a man by the name of Billy Biggs who had a very long…yet somewhat unsatisfying life. Billy Biggs was born of humble beginnings at St. Mary’s hospital in Richmond, VA. When Billy was delivered into this world he immediately became aware that it was cold and Billy did NOT like cold…so he began to scream. Billy was cleaned, given a little bitty diaper, wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket and taken to a room with many other babies. As he scanned the room, Billy realized that he was three rows back from the viewing window, (not up front), and did NOT like that. He also noticed that the baby beside him had a much “fuzzier” blanket than his…but what really got to him, was that the baby in front of him, (whose diaper was being changed), had a monogram on his diaper! Billy WANTED a monogramed diaper…and he began to scream!

Well, time went by and Billy Biggs was about 36 months old, sitting in the front of the grocery cart…sucking happily on his passy. Billy’s mom was looking at veggies when Billy noticed the baby in the cart beside him had a REALLY cool passy in her mouth…and Billy wanted that passy! So do you know what he did?? Why he screamed out, “GIVE MEEEE DAAT PASSSSYYYYY!!!” and yanked it right out of that babies mouth and stuck it directly into his own! His mother was horrified! She tried to reason with Billy because when she was finally able to retrieve the passy and return it, he was screaming his head off.

Billy Biggs finally began school…his tendency for dissatisfaction having only grown worse. The school he went to was not the one he wanted to go to. The teacher he had, (no matter which one), was not the right one. The subjects that he took were either to boring or not the right kind. His mother found that no matter what clothes she bought, they were the not the right color, style or just plain wrong. Even when Billy made friends…they were never the right friends, because Billy always wanted the friends he didn’t yet have.

Billy made it to High School and had a 4.0 average, but could never be content with that. He argued with the school board that there should be something “higher than average”. Billy Biggs somehow managed to get a girlfriend. She was a very sweet, beautiful, kind, intelligent and incredibly patient girlfriend at that. But as you might guess, Billy Biggs wanted somebody “better”. Billy graduated at the top of his class, but wasn’t happy. In fact he had never wanted to be the top of his class…he had wanted to be the top of the class the year ahead of his.

Billy went off to college and of course, shortly after arriving was quite unhappy with the school, its faculty and curriculum. He spent his college career trying to show everyone how things could be better. Billy graduated at the top of his class again and decided that from this day on he did not wish to be called “Billy”, he preferred Mr. Biggs. When he obtained his first job at a prestigious law firm he quickly became disappointed in both the firm and his boss, because he noticed how much both were lacking, compared to what ideas “he” had on how they could be better…BIGGER!

So Mr. Biggs decided to begin his own law firm and even his own advertising…BIGGS LAW – We are better and We are Bigger! He ultimately was very successful, although he could never enjoy it…because he couldn’t escape seeing how it could be better…BIGGER, if only they worked a little harder. Mr. Biggs never married, because he could never find that “perfect” woman. He never had kids. He made TONS of money, but could never be satisfied, because there was always someone who had more. Biggs had a REALLY BIG house, (many of them), but there were always bigger houses and people who had more than him. He owned many cars and boats, but alas he could NEVER be satisfied. One day, in his BIG house, with his beautiful furniture, looking out at his BIG pool…Mr. Biggs died – all alone.

He arrived at heavens gate anticipating FINALLY meeting St. Peter. However, it turned out Peter was on vacation and the saint working the gate that day was named Howard. Howard looked at him and said, “Billy! Come on in!” Billy, (irritated with being called Billy), said, “The name is Mr. Biggs and what’s more, who are you? You don’t look like Peter.” Howard stared at Biggs, (somewhat amazed), and said, “St. Peter is out right now, I’m St. Howard. Is that a problem?” Biggs looked him up and down and said, “I haven’t come all this way to be let into Heaven by a little saint named Howard! After all, I’m Mr. Biggs, don’t you know anything??” Howard, (trying to be patient), looked at Biggs and said, “Well, I’m it and coming in here is a one shot deal. Either you come in with me opening the gate…or you go to the other place.” Howard could NOT believe his ears when Mr. Billy Biggs announced… “I’ll go there! It’s GOT to be better than here!”

Of course, this is just a story…just make believe. But although an exaggeration, haven’t we all known a Mr. Biggs or better yet,  BEEN a Mr. Biggs at one time or another? Isn’t it easy to lose the joy found in each moment, each experience, each gift…when we allow ourselves to give in to the idea that there is something MORE…something BETTER…something BIGGER?

I know that for me, this tendency can be so subtle in nature. For example:  When I had 30 days sober…I wanted 60. When I had 60 days, I wanted 6 months. When I had 6 months, I wanted a year. When I had my first car, (which was used), I wanted a new car. When I got my first apartment, I wanted to have a house.When I got a house, I wanted new furniture, etc. However I’ve found that 9 times out of 10, when I am feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled, it is almost always because my eye has wandered, I’ve “compared myself” to someone or something else and have lost what was once a feeling of joy, gratitude and contentment. Of course the solution is quite thankfully an easy one:

I remind myself that I shouldn’t even be here. I should have perished many years ago. However I was spared and given another chance. All that I have and all that I am is because of grace and mercy. Not what I have “earned”, but rather what I’ve been “freely given”. Remembering this I find myself filled with peace and contentment… my mind then eagerly geared to what I can “give” rather than what I can “get”.

(Rebecca B.) BeccainBham@aol.com